Hello and welcome back to Six Sentence Sunday. I have been re arranging my work commitments and I have missed a few Sundays. I don’t like to post if I don’t have the time to enjoy the works of the other authors, so my apologies to you all. To find the complete list of very talented writers please click …here or search the hash tag #sixsunday on twitter.
This week we pick back up with our hero, frozen. Fear and desire his chains, as he wonders how he can keep her.
Read the last 2 snippet …..Six Sentence Sunday 36 …….Six Sentence Sunday 37
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I want her flesh. Her soft skin, the blood and bones that form her perfect shape. I want to hear her voice when I wake and as the last soft sounds as I drift off to sleep. I want to know her thoughts. Feel her pulse, and have her fingerprints cover every inch of my body.
Tentatively I manage, “Can I buy you a drink?”
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Thank you to everyone who supports my work each week and a warm welcome to new readers, I hope you have enjoyed and will come back again.
If your interested in my past posts click Six Sentences, they have been snippets from these works in progress:
Positional Sacrifice Coffeehouse Play Drawing Chance At the Bar
I truly value and appreciate your feedback, so if you have the time, I would love you to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment.Have a happy and healthy weekend, remembering to play and stay safe. xx
Romancing Alix 
Is he gradually overcoming his fear? Strong emotion, Alix!
Wonderful contrast between what he wants and his tentative request. Great six!
Thank you Paula! I’m struggling a bit writing in his POV, I really want to show the masks of the social persona’s we create.
True. Well noted.
That’s gorgeous. Truly evocative.
Awesome six! Most evocative :D
Looks good. Shows the thought process well. Is it allowed for newbies to suggest a few editorial changes? I hope you don’t think it’s too brash of me.
If I was your editor, I would suggest the following changes:
I want her flesh, her soft skin, the blood and the bones that form her perfect shape. I want to hear her voice when I wake and as the last soft notes that envelop me as I drift towards sleep. I want to know her thoughts, feel her pulse, and have her fingerprints cover every inch of my body.
Tentatively I manage, “Can I buy you a drink?”
You can probably tell I’m not a fan of the stacato sentences. English teachers rarely are.
Thoughts?
I really appreciate your feedback, thanking-you very kindly.
I feel like I’m struggling a bit writing in the POV of a man, do you think
..soft notes that envelop me as I drift towards sleep, sound too feminine?
This is the only excerpt I have read, but it seems like he is a little unsure of himself anyway. I don’t think it’s too feminine. I doubt a “man’s man” macho mysogynist would think of when (or if) the woman he was with in that moment spoke or not. Seems like a moot point for the character this scene portrays.
I have really digested your suggestions and I think your right, I need to relax with the hero and let him be real, not the man I want him to be ;) Thank you for your thoughts, are you interested in editing work?
Sure. I have done mainly academic work so far. I enjoy it.
Sounds like he is very nervous … great description of what he wants Ax :)
Well, drinks are a start. ;) As for the style, I think as long as his style is different from hers and easily identifiable, go with whatever feels right. Also, internal monologue is often different from dialogue. He may think in full sentences, and speak in stoccato ones. WKIM?
I love this, Alix. So glad you’re back. It’s great to see the contrast between inner monologue and dialogue: the intensity with which he speaks and the low-key quality with which he speaks is great to read. It’s definitely true that we are often different people in our heads than what we perform in public. Lovely.
Fabulous six – great juxtaposition, his hot inner world and his so-ordinary opening line!
Love the sense of longing here!
Your writing is so damn powerful. I know I’ve said it before, but I’m saying it again, gosh darn it. You remind me a little of Bret Easton Ellis. Maybe because your character is demanding and knows what he wants. That is all. LOVE!
Thank you wonderful women. I’m struggling here with this work and you have made my day. Big cuddles to you!xx
So very intense! Well done! :)
Ooh, I like the contrast between his desires and what he can work up the courage to say. Cute. :)
I love the contrast between his desire and what he says to her. He’s reigning himself in. :)
He’s a romantic inside. I hope he can find a way to let that out. (And struggle is good, Alix. It means you’re challenging yourself and growing as a writer.)
OMG! Wow. So powerful the contrast/conflict between his thoughts and what he says. This is another favorite six of mine this week.
*swoon* Love the inner dialog. So that’s what is going on in their heads as they ask us out for a drink. I knew it! LOL!
Beautiful six, Alix. Love it just the way it is. Most impressive!
Really enjoyed this snippet :-)
This is deeply sensual and SEXY. Wow!
He speaks! (yet he says nothing, what of that? LOL–sorry, tripped onto another train of thought and misquoted Shakespeare in the bargain) But YAY! He found his voice at last! I love the vulnerability of the hero that you’re allowing us to see. I’m kinda crushin’ on this guy now.
Oooooh, very nice six. He’s very focused!
Alix the dissonance you set up between what he thinks opposed to what he is capable of delivering is so well done. Awesome writing, lady.
Fascinating discussion above – it’s often a dicotomy between internal and spoken. I don’t worry too much if my character is male and to get his voice. maybe I should worrry. I take the character and then have him act.
I love the contrast between his thoughts and what he actually says. He sounds like a very romantic guy.
Love the desperate emotion in the sensuality here. Well done!
Deliciously written inner thoughts and then the cover-up, getting to know you hopeful question.
He sounds nervous. Writing as the opposite sex has always been a “thing” for me. I hope you find his voice the way you “see” it!
I love the juxtaposition of his internal thought and external action. So powerful!
I like the interplay between his thoughts and his words. I think many of us are far more eloquent inside out heads. Hopefully she says yes ;-)
Tell him l’m his! Loved this post, beautifully written.
Love the contrast of his thoughts and his words. Very nicely done.
Oh goodness, if she encourages him just a little, he’s going to eat her alive! Delicious six. I love his intensity!
Love the contrast between his longing and his actions. Very sweet!
This was very intense. Loved it.
I’m intrigued by his intensity, and the details of the things he wants — so self-assured. And then it all seems to disappear when he speaks. This is really great. :)
He is intense and keeping his true feelings close is only going to fuel that fire. It will be a treat to watch this character change and grow. intriguing 6
Great description of his yearning!
Love this line ” have her fingerprints cover every inch of my body” Such wonderful emotion, Alix. :)
He’s a smooth talker. *lol* Great emotion conveyed there…loved his thoughts. Good job, Alix.
Had to love the contrast between what he’s thinking and what he’s saying.
Beautiful! Love his inner dialogue. (And welcome back.)
Beginning with something attainable… a good start. :)
It’s funny, in that cosmic way that contrasts reach and grasp.
Very passionate. :) Fantastic job, Alix!